Coffee Club Newsletter
Volume 17 No. 1 - January 26, 2007

Good morning friends. You already know that Eleanor Love, our beloved IDIS and CAPER guru is finally leaving. (I don’t mean that the way it sounds.) After the marathon interview with Natly, the Timid Reporter was not in a mood to do another so soon after, but a little persuasive consideration ($25.00) changed his mind. As always, any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is strictly coincidental.

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TR: Good morning. Are you Eleanor Love?
EL: Well, I’m not a Rigby.
TR: What?
EL: Never mind, but do come in, I have some hot cinnamon waiting here for you. Sit over by the fireplace won’t you?
TR: This is even better than Natly’s home. Wow….
EL: I really wouldn’t know.
TR: Take my word – she just remodeled her place but this is much, much nicer – looks like a brand new house.
EL: It is a brand new house – I bought it two weeks ago.
TR: Ok. That explains that, I guess.
EL: Well, sometimes, the obvious things are harder to figure out, maybe especially for a person like you. Love. Love. Love.
TR: Hmmmm….
EL: Love.
TR: What?
EL: I like to say my name a lot. I like the sound of my name. Don’t you like my name?
TR: Yes, it’s very attractive.
EL: Love.
TR: How many times a day do you say it?
EL: About two hundred.
TR: But, do you mean it?
EL: You don’t have to mean a name.
TR: I was joking.
EL: Well, it doesn’t suit you to joke. Timid people shouldn’t joke.
TR: Sorry….
EL: Didn’t you come here to interview me?
TR: Yes, I did. The cinnamon’s good, by the way - mmmmm.
EL: Love.
TR: How long were you at the City?
EL: Twenty nine years.
TR: That doesn’t make sense – you don’t look a day over forty. How do you keep so youthful-looking?
EL: Love.
TR: Must you repeat your name so much?
EL: I wasn’t repeating my name; I was answering your question.
TR: Oh!!!
EL: Don’t even try to go there.
TR: Ok, ok, let me see. You were there a long time so you saw a lot.
EL: Yes - fourteen administrations, as a matter of fact. Let me tell you, when I started, I had the boys from rehab redo my kitchen and now, it’s ready to be redone again. That old house is now a rental, you see. Now, I’m going to have Ray and his crew go out and redo that kitchen all over again. When I started, Natly was a secretary in the Planning Department. I invited her to come work up there. Rosie Montes was a clerk typist in Engineering. Art Zavala himself hired me, you know. We didn’t even have word processors. All we had was two typewriters on loan from the City Clerk’s Office. Now we have computers – we have Internet - we have IDIS.
TR: I heard you really hated IDIS.
EL: No, that’s not true; I actually kind of liked it. The only thing I didn’t like was having to memorize seventeen passwords in order to get into the heavy duty stuff. I used to recite them first thing in the morning and last thing at night in order to keep them in my head.
TR: Why didn’t you just write them down and hide them somewhere?
EL: I didn’t have to. I picked the seventeen passwords so that they actually read like a little poem from beginning to end.
TR: That’s very ingenious. You’re such a quiet person I never would have thought….
EL: What? That I was clever that way?
TR: Yes.
EL: Would you believe I like karaoke? Would you believe I like to play billiards, too? I’m pretty good at it. I also collect art works. I have one that’s appreciated in value a lot. It’s hanging over in the hallway. I bought it about ten years ago – it cost me $35.00 and is now worth $4,000.00. The man with the green tie tried to buy it from me. He offered me $50.00 so I just laughed at him.
TR: Who is that?
EL: You don’t need to know.
TR: Sorry.
EL: Love.
TR: So you sing?
EL: No, I go to the Karaoke to hear others sing.
TR: But, if you sang, would you sing love songs?
EL: That’s not very amusing. You shouldn’t even try to be funny. I told you that.
TR: Sorry.
EL: You know, as I think more about it, I also didn’t like it that since I was the IDIS guru there, everybody came to me to solve their little problems. The man with the green tie was always bugging me about it. IDIS was not developed for simple minds.
TR: Your colleagues might not appreciate what you just said.
EL: Well, they are not my colleagues anymore – besides, I expect you to edit that out of the interview.
TR: Ok, I will – nobody needs to know.
EL: Love.
TR: Who was your favorite person in the Department?
EL: You mean besides Anthony?
TR: Besides anybody.
EL: Well, I would say probably Rhoda.
TR: Is there a particular reason?
EL: No, I just sort of liked her. I never thought I needed a reason.
TR: Yes, I guess so.
EL: Love.
TR: What unusual experiences do you recall?
EL: The time Henry Neil came to work in a kilt. I wanted to tell him something but I was too afraid of the man. Also the time John Rogers cut Bob Gott’s tie off. Bob hasn’t worn a tie since then. I remember when we were working very late on IDIS and the IDIS screens were switching back and forth without my touching any buttons. Rhoda was helping me put data in. I threw the mouse at the screen I got so mad. Lucky for me it just bounced back. Unfortunately, it hit Rhoda on the forehead after it bounced and she nearly went unconscious.
TR: I heard that you were such a quiet and discreet person that there are still people in the Department who didn’t even know you worked there.
EL: That’s not true, of course. Your sources are way off. You’re listening to the wrong people. We were not just colleagues, not just a team - we were like family – we still are. Everyone truly cares for everybody else. I’m still going to hang out with Edna and Pat and Luz and Rhoda and Blanca and Michelle and Kevin and Tom and everyone else.
TR: So, does that mean that if someone needs help with IDIS after you’re gone that you will help them?
EL: No.
TR: What if you’re hired as a consultant?
EL: Let me tell you this: I don’t exactly hate IDIS, but I would rather consult on something else. I don’t want to hear about IDIS ever again, isn’t that clear enough?
TR: Sorry.
EL: Love.
TR: I also heard… you sort of had a gambling problem?
EL: Man, I think I might just have to sue you. Let me explain something. You need to check your sources very carefully – don’t work with innuendo – work with facts. I do travel to Las Vegas twice a month. However, I go there to visit my two sons and their families. Casinos even bore me – I fall asleep there.
TR: Sorry.
EL: Love.
TR: But you do like to crochet?
EL: Finally, you got something right. Yes, I do.
TR: What do you crochet?
EL: Well, my latest project was a welcome mat for the front door. I wove the word IDIS all over it.
TR: So now you’re wiping your feet on it?
EL: Yes, don’t you just love that?
TR: I don’t know. I’m just a little confused about this IDIS thing.
EL: I used to get paid to like IDIS – now I don’t have to like it - it’s over – gone forever – erased out of my life - don’t you get it? I’m in heaven. L O V E - Love.
TR: Maybe in due time I’ll understand.
EL: I’m sure you will. Now, I’m going to share with you and your seven readers…
TR: Eight – I got one more….
EL: Oh, well, congratulations… I’m going to tell you and your eight readers something I’ve never told anyone except one of my sons.
TR: Can I print it?
EL: That’s why I’m telling you.
TR: Oh.
EL: About nine years ago, I was buying sweet bread at the Bowie Bakery very early one Friday morning – buying it for the office you know?
TR: Yes….
EL: All of a sudden, four big, tall men in identical blue suits walked in. They told me to move quietly to one side and not to make any sudden moves. Then they ran an electronic gadget over my purse and when it buzzed, they asked me to open it and spill its contents onto a tray they whisked out of nowhere. I was scared out of my wits so I did as they said. Then, they told me to repack everything and that everything was ok and not to be nervous. The next thing I knew Governor and Mrs. Bush walked in and there I was with them and their Secret Service or whatever they were.
TR: Wow…
EL: I was so dumbfounded I didn’t even ask for an autograph. I wish I had known he was going to be President. They were extremely nice to me though – they even paid for the sweetbread I had. Now, I think about that every single day, even though it makes me kind of sad. I think about how nice and kind they were - how caring and well-meaning.
TR: And that makes you sad?
EL: Well, because even if they meant well, even they could make big boo boos, if you know what I mean.
TR: No, I don’t, but maybe later – I’m running out of time – they only paid me $25.00 for this. Do you have any words of advice for the Department?
EL: Tell them I always loved the Department – to trust each other – remember, the entire U.S. economy is built on trust - not to be adversarial - to believe in the future – to keep their mistakes honest – to stay neat and clean. You know, in all the years I was there, there were plenty of boo boos, but there was never even one dime missing. We accomplished quite a lot. We sometimes made mistakes – we had findings - because we didn’t know any better, but there was never a hint of impropriety. We never did the wrong thing knowingly or on purpose. That’s something to be proud of, no?
TR: I don’t know what to say – I don’t know what to say.
EL: Love.