Coffee Club Newsletter ©
Volume 18, No. 15 - March 24, 2008

In search of advice on improving his journalistic skills, the Timid Reporter embarked on a search for famed author J.K. Rowling and proceeded to soak up as much as he could during a short five-minute heart-to-heart talk. Any similarity to persons actually living or events actually happening is coincidental.

TR: Good afternoon. Are you J.K. Rowling?
JK: Yes, don’t you recognize me sir?
TR: You look younger in person.
JK: That’s not a terribly nice thing to say to a woman.
TR: I meant it as a compliment.
JK: Well, don’t give it a second thought - come in and make yourself at home. Would you like some tea?
TR: That would be nice. I hope it’s as good as the tea Premier Wen gave me the other day.
JK: You know it’s not polite to compare. I think tea is a manifestation of a person’s graciousness. If it doesn’t suit one’s taste, one should say nothing about it.
TR: I’m sorry.
JK: Don’t be troubled by it. Here you go.
TR: Thank you.
JK: Now, what do you want to ask me?
TR: Can I ask you anything?
JK: Certainly, that’s what you’re here for.
TR: Well, it’s about me. I want to see if maybe you can tell me how you work. What are your methods? Do you ever experience mental blocks? Do you use a computer? Do you visualize a book first and then write it or do you just start writing then develop the plot as you go along? Do you use outlines? Who does your research? Do you write sitting down or standing up or do you pace the floor or….
JK: Allow me to interrupt you please. The questions you’ve asked so far would take me about half an hour to answer. How much time do we have?
TR: Five minutes.
JK: I’ll try to be concise, then. If I leave something out, kindly remind me.
TR: Ok.
JK: First of all, I don’t write standing up. Winston Churchill did but I don’t. My knees would not allow that. The only times I pace up and down is when I’m waiting for a phone call or if I’m at the theatre and have to use the ladies’ room at intermission. So, to answer your question, I write sitting. I have a very nice plush chair now but the one I used for the first book was a hard wooden kitchen chair. You can imagine the pain I felt in my bottom when I got done. When I first started, I had an old typewriter – I couldn’t afford a computer - and I got so used to it I cannot stop using it now. Besides, it’s become my good luck charm, you know. Every writer needs a good luck charm, just like an artist, don’t you think?
TR: My good luck charm is my can of beer.
JK: I see. I’m a Scotch drinker myself, now that I can afford it. By the way, please do let me know if you want more tea?
TR: Yes, it’s very delicious. Two more cups at least.
JK: I was never a believer in outlines. I’m not a technician you see. I simply start writing and go where my intuition takes me. Of course, my agent and my editor hate that but I’m the writer, not them. I can easily go through seventeen complete drafts before I’m done.
TR: Did you say seventeen?
JK: Yes. I very much believe that re-writing is the key to success. Good ideas with smashing universal appeal are important too, of course. They sort of sell themselves.
TR: Of course.
JK: I have sometimes experienced writer’s block – just as all writers have - but it has usually gone away as soon as I receive my royalty check.
TR: People have said that Vivaldi wrote the same concerto four hundred times. Do you consider that you’ve written the same book seven times?
JK: No, not at all. Conan Doyle had his Sherlock Holmes – I have my Harry. The settings may be similar but the plots and the dialogue are quite different. Besides, my agent does not care about that and my editor is now only half-heartedly interested in the craft of writing. They do call my accountant every day though.
TR: And your research?
JK: I no longer have time for research - too many parties – too much travelling – too many interviews – too much shopping – too many dogs. I have four assistants who do all the research.
TR: So you have pets?
JK: We have a virtual menagerie.
TR: A what?
JK: A zoo. I would show it to you if we had time.
TR: What is your next project?
JK: You know, I would most kindly discuss it with you but I’m afraid word would leak out.
TR: I won’t print anything about it.
JK: That’s funny - I was thinking – I don’t know why – I don’t even have a library card anymore. My card expired a year ago.
TR: What about your next project?
JK: I guess I shall have to apply for a new one.
TR: And your next project is what?
JK: I would have to be quite drunk to tell you.
TR: Did you ever think you would inspire so many millions of children to read?
JK: No, not really. I only wrote my first Harry in order to get off of welfare. Those people at the DSS office were so annoying.
TR: Will children like your next book?
JK: It won’t be written for children. My next book is being written for embryos. A group of scientists at Cambridge has devised a way to get the book into an implanted microchip which an embryo can read subconsciously. It is highly experimental
TR: Won’t that be like mind control?
JK: No, we don’t think so - as long as people don’t know. We are only worried that the costs won’t be covered by the mother’s health insurance. You, of course, can absolutely not print any of this.
TR: I won’t.
JK: We are very optimistic about it. Here, have more tea.